Showing posts with label bad jokes dept. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad jokes dept. Show all posts
Monday, 5 May 2008
Friday, 2 May 2008
Friday, 25 April 2008
Monday, 4 June 2007
joke
A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50
HANDJOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of farmers.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the biker, "are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The old biker replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Tuesday, 6 March 2007
Campbelltown Flood: Urgent Appeal for Help
A major flood hit the Campbelltown area on Sunday with its main disaster point being Queen Street, Campbelltown.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The flood decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Macquarie Fields Riots were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.
The Macarthur Advertiser reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Campbelltown.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17 year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason,slept through it all."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards,Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.
HOW CAN THE CITIZENS OF WRONGTOWN HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, reebok boots Any other items usually sold in Go-Lo or The Reject Shop.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:
Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.
Donations:
$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The flood decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Macquarie Fields Riots were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.
The Macarthur Advertiser reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Campbelltown.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17 year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason,slept through it all."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards,Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.
HOW CAN THE CITIZENS OF WRONGTOWN HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, reebok boots Any other items usually sold in Go-Lo or The Reject Shop.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:
Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.
Donations:
$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Monday, 12 February 2007
Frankston... !
Q. Two Frankstonites jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.
Q. What does a Frankston girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What do you call a Frankston Boy in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Frankstonite cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a Frankston girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Bloke from Frankston on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Frankston quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Frankston Blokes in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. What do you call a hundred Frankston Residents at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.
Q. Why is three Frankston Residents going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A. Because a Nova has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Frankstonite with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
Q. What's the difference between a Frankston boy and a Frankston girl?
A. A Frankston girl has a higher sperm count.
Or wherever your local favorite suburb is.
A. Society.
Q. What does a Frankston girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.
Q. What do you call a Frankston Boy in a suit?
A. The defendant.
Q. Why did the Frankstonite cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever.
Q. What do you call a Frankston girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. If you are driving and you see a Bloke from Frankston on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.
Q. What's the first question during a Frankston quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Frankston Blokes in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!
Q. What do you call a hundred Frankston Residents at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.
Q. Why is three Frankston Residents going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A. Because a Nova has four seats.
Q. What do you say to a Frankstonite with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
Q. What's the difference between a Frankston boy and a Frankston girl?
A. A Frankston girl has a higher sperm count.
Or wherever your local favorite suburb is.
Sunday, 11 February 2007
God and an alien are sitting at a bar
just kidding; god isn't real
I stole this from yahoo answers and it seemed funnier at the time...
I stole this from yahoo answers and it seemed funnier at the time...
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