If we had a sponsor...

Read the T-Shirt of the guy in the middle.

(Click on the picture to get a larger image)

(Oh yeah - you can browse and buy this shirt and much worse by clicking here for T-Shirt Hell.)

mmmmm T-shirts...

Wrong Discussion Forum

We now have a new discussion forum here at Johnny Aywah.com (<---Click the link)

Anyone can start a discussion on any topic at any time. I'll post a link to the forum off to the right in a week or so.

Tony (of Key Reports) might care to moderate the first one or two to get things rolling. As with many publishing and volunteer efforts this website is manly put together by a vocal few, but viewed by a (mostly) silent majority. All feedback from any viewer is welcome at all times.

The above picture comes from the Cybercast News Service, a website about internet related news which has neat features like Factorama which is about random information.

Surprise!

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise."

 

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.  Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.  

 

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.   He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. 

 

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

 

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"  The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

 

"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."

 

Blue Balls

Blue Balls - WTF? - More here

Conspiracy nut

Bilderberg = Read more about why you atre not in charge.

(I feel an Iron Maiden Moment coming on... 668 the neighbour of the beast.)

True Crime

The news has recently highlighted a number of cases of Australians in foreign prisons. There has been the Shappelle Corby thing, the case of the beautiful model with the ecstasy tablets, the Bali 9 the Van Ngyuen fellow and possibly most famously David Hicks.

This site is normally humorous and light hearted but please take a moment to consider the plights of these people, guilty or not who must endure the prison systems and conditions of the countries they have been incarcerated in.

And also please take a moment to consider the many Australians who have been incarcerated into one of the most brutal prison systems in the world - the US.

Two poor fools are Luke Carrol and Anthony Prince. Their sentence is below and the full transcript is here.

softener 2005

TWO AUSTRALIANS SENTENCED FOR ARMED ROBBERY OF VAIL BANK

Bill Leone, United States Attorney for the District of Colorado, and Richard C. Powers, Special Agent in Charge of the Federal Bureau of InvestigationÂ’s Denver Office, announced that LUKE CARROLL, age 19, a citizen of Australia, and ANTHONY PRINCE, age 20, and dual citizen of New Zealand and Australia, were sentenced today to federal prison terms by U.S. District Court Judge Phillip Figa for the March 21, 2005 armed bank robbery of the Weststar Bank in Vail Colorado.

LUKE CARROLL was sentenced by Judge Figa to serve 60 months in federal prison. ANTHONY PRINCE was sentenced by Judge Figa to serve 54 months in federal prison. Both defendants were ordered to pay restitution totaling $21,657.78, which represents the funds not yet recovered from the bank robbery.

The US system is cruel and particularly so for non-Americans. Expect the worst if you ever get arrested there. Even just for a night.

Some lobby groups sites are listed below. If you are motivated also write to your local politician and protest Australians in American prisons.

• Stop Prisoner Rape
• Stop Prisoner Abuse

You can learn more about this issue from Donny the Punk who seems to have been the guy who took the word punk from prison to CBGBs in the late 70's. Do you know your punk etymology?

Ahh, the seventies... !

Community Announcement

Slut

A woman considered sexually promiscuous. A woman prostitute. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

Really, what are we talking about here?

Happy New Year Punks

This site has the most hardcore fisting and anal fucking I have ever seen. The slust that get fucked in here are the most porno young teen sluts I have seen on the net in years. You really goot see this...

rock and roll

Nicknamed the Underworld Preacher, Gage is a reformed drug addict from Texas.

Published on preacher records, so you know you want some.

'60s tough-guy and personal favorite Crime to Christ testimonialist that was the founder of the famed Teen Challenge rehabilitation center back in the '60s. Nobody can touch Freddie when it comes to tough-love rehab talks. He ate guys like David Wilkerson for lunch back in those days.

Learn more about obscure music at Show and Tell

Jesus built my hotrod

Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true

jerry lee lewis was the devil

jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet

all of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world

so there was only one thing that I could do was

ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long.

MINISTRY and its offshoot project the REVOLTING COCKS will be teaming up for a summer 2006 U.S. tour. More information will be made available during the coming months.

And while reporting on Ministry - Al stated that the working title for the upcoming Ministry album (to be released around April '06), is Rio Grande Blood (a take on an album by ZZ Top called Rio Grande Mud.) See the source of this info at MK Magazine

cool chick

If you like photography and design visit mylai at www.mylai.com.

suicide club

The world is a midway; cities are its sideshows.

The only difference between children and adults is that there is no one to take care of us. When we left home it meant we were lost on the midway and, unlike God, the carny boss will only let us ride as long as we pay.

We bring you the suicide club, San Francisco.

mp3 of the week

this spoof-forsaken arsebreath bloggarisin site sucks. LAME ! O ! Anyway, here's the frikkin post:

Wrongtown brings you the Whitewatersky MP3 of the week 2 places at once

The Church did a song called Two Places At Once from a 1994 album Sometime Anywhere...they did a blistering version of it a coupla weeks ago in Newtown here in Sydney. god they rule. great Lennon feel to this song....

I know this mp3 is too big, but hey, the next ones will be smaller. get a fast net connection....

for any perusers who wanna whinge about me posting copyrighted music, get a stiffy inta ya.

by the way y'all, the link will be dead in a week... oh well.

Song: http://s22.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=334WWJSFHBMDU0443AL4KNSIPQ

Band: http://www.thechurchband.com

Welcome to Wrongtown

Welcome to Wrongtown
Population: About 35 give or take a few.
Visit Wrongtown and see what we think is wrong with the world.

---

Highlights

• Bad Santa - What has St Nick been up to that's gotten so much bad press?
• Rant - downloading is not a crime!
• Almost Politics - New Workplace rules that affect you
• Crime starters - A warning for the Sutherland community
• Personality - Daxton who?
• Social Activism - tear down the system starting with tram tickets
• Being David Hasselhoff - The Hoff Abides
• Simple - yes you are
• Video Review of the week - Why you should rent The Idiots
• Video feature - Ever seen a kangaroo 'look after' itself?

Want to post things to the website? Let me know.

---

You have received this email because you are on the wrongtown mail list. Reply to me if you want off. Mail me if you want to add a new email address. Have others mail me if they want to join. Or visit the google groups site and update your status yourself. Want to post things to the website? Let me know.

Want more? visit http://wrongtown.net

Google Groups at http://groups.google.com.au/group/wrong-town/about

Visit Wrongtown!

The Meaning of Names

Craig
From a Scottish surname which was derived from Gaelic creag meaning "crag" or "rocks". The surname originally belonged to a person who lived near a crag.

When I was at university one of my buddies stole a sign from the skillion at terrigal that said Caution: Rockface may collapse! I wish I had that sign now.

What does you name mean?

Been Caught Stealing

The Victorian Government is Evil. Here is why.

Justin, A colleague of mine at this job I am currently on is a social activist at heart. He says his name is derived from a Latin word for just or justice.

In this spirit he instigated a ticket sharing scheme in Melbourne recently that has had some interesting results. He proposed that when people get off public transport they hand their tickets to people about to get on.

Melbourne public transport tickets are time based - usually daily or for 2 hours, which means you can take several trips on one ticket. He wrote to one of the local newspapers suggesting that people share their tickets. A kind of social recycling if you want. After all, the ticket has been purchased and the seat accounted for.

After an initial wave of supporters writing back to the paper saying they were getting on board and that this was a good idea the tide turned. Supporting letters died away and a tirade of insults and abuse was vented towards him.

People accused him of stealing and inciting others to steal One argument was that if you share a ticket you are stealing from the other commuters. As usual the most vitriolic had little logic or substance to their arguments.

Justin noticed a trend in some of the letters and suspected that the anti sharing campaign was being run by staff at one of the public transport organisations (some of Melbourne's transport infrastructure is run by the government and some if privately owned.)

He took the step of calling the public transports call centre and asking if it was illegal to share tickets. The initial answer was that no it was fine to share tickets. He called a few of the other companies and ended up getting a mixed response; some saying sharing was okay and others saying no to sharing. (Just say no)

His assumption was that no-one had actually though through the policy, or that the relevant policy had become dusty and unread in some folder somewhere in some filing cabinet from 1983. And that something would be done...

And apparently something has been done. Just before Christmas when no-one is reading the news the state government releases this news.

$500 ticket fines under new transport laws by Tanya Giles
COMMUTERS who give away their train, tram and bus tickets to other passengers face $524 fines under harsh new laws. The crackdown is aimed at kind-hearted commuters who hand their used - but still valid - tickets to strangers because they no longer need them. Ticket inspectors will pounce on commuters giving away tickets under the State Government's tough new anti-fare-evasion regime. Fines of up to $524 will be imposed for all ticket offences - up from the $150 for a first offence under the current system.

Fines for sharing tickets has angered the Public Transport Users Association. Hundreds of commuters shared their tickets with friends or family each year, PTUA president David Bowen said. Some businesses also have ticket pools in which employees can use validated tickets for transport around the city to save money. "It seems a bit unreasonable to make it illegal, given that it is one person doing another person a good turn," Mr Bowen said.

Read the whole article here

What can you do? How can you protest? How can we make the Victorian Government see that sharing is good and not evil. To me there are two obvious avenues:

• A Fight Club style homework assignment that subverts the system
• Or work within the system and contact the lobby group PTUA and express your rage.

Suggestions anyone?

New Workplace Agreements

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Death Clause
Any worker found dead at their desk will be promptly fired. All deaths will need to be applied for in advance and will only be approved if your can show that your death will not affect productivity.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustration's, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Bad Santa

You have to love it when you discover a phenomenon that you have never ever heard of and it turns out to be not just global but HUGE. Welcome to Bad Santa.

These guys are tops and next year I am hiring a red suit.

Australians - if you are in Adelaide this Saturday (24 Dec) at 6.30pm go to the Beehive corner of Rundle Mall and King William St. If anyone is there send us some photos and comments about the event.

More info on this bad Santa thing below;

• There are four cardinal rules at Santacon. Don’t mess with the police. Don’t mess with kids. Don’t mess with store security. And don’t mess with Santa. These rules were printed on the backs of vomit bags. The bags were passed among the crowd.
• Bad Santas run wild in Auckland
  A gang of "Santas" cut a trail of havoc across New Zealand's biggest city in what was meant to be a protest against the commercialisation of Christmas. A police spokesman described it as "fairly average behaviour" from "an organised group of idiots". "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," said store owner Changa Manakynda. Senior Sergeant Matt Rogers of the police said the men had acted more like clowns than Santas. But he added that identification of alleged wrongdoers might be problematic.
• Every December, for the last 12 years, Cacophonous Santas have been visiting cities around the world and generating a bit of naughty Christmas fun as part of the annual Santacon events. It all started back in 1994 when several dozen Cheap Suit Santas paid a visit to downtown San Francisco for a night of Kringle Kaos. Things have reached Critical Xmas and Santarchy is now a global phenomenon.
  

you are simple

sim·ple
Pronunciation Key (smpl)
adj. sim·pler, sim·plest
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: feeble-minded
Synonyms: amateur, asinine, backward, blockheaded, brainless, credulous, dense, dim-witted, dopey, dull, dumb, fatuous, feeble, foolish, green, gullible, half-witted, idiotic, ignorant, illiterate, imbecile, inane, inexperienced, inexpert, insensate, mindless, moronic, nitwitted, obtuse, retarded, senseless, shallow, silly, simple-minded, slow, soft, stupid, thick, uneducated, unintelligent, witless

The Idiots

Like foreign films? Like the weird? (Of course you do)

So for this Christmas weekend, while the TV stations are showing the carols and crap sentimental movies, head down to the video store and get your hands on "The Idiots." Many of you know this movie. Rent it and watch it again. For those of you that haven't seen it - do yourself a favour. You'll be entertained.


Interview by Peter Øvig Knudsen - The Man Who Would Give Up Control
"In the weeks preceding shooting we worked a great deal on the spassing, and the cast became very fond of spassing. But gradually they simply got bored if they didn’t have to spass. And as an outsider, as time goes by you become quite unaffected by spassing, whereas at first it was pretty distracting to have someone drooling down your trousers.

The spassing bit finally functioned quite naturally, as did the nude scenes, which we had loads of. One morning I greeted the cast naked in the front drive and insisted that today was to be a nude day. No, we didn’t have any nudity problems."

IMDB site - Reviewer comments
Of course, be warned - this is EURO independent cinema, not American, which means it has a GENUINE edge - it's hardcore, in more ways than one. If your idea of "edgy" or "dangerous" is "Being John Malkovich" or "Boys Don't Cry", then you should probably avoid the Dogma-driven "The Idiots", in which full-frontal nudity is de rigeur (and on-camera urination and sexual penetration occur as well).

But if you want a funny, dirty, smart, irritating, and even infuriating satire of both the bourgeoisie and the bohemians who oppose it, then "The Idiots" is for you. von Trier has assembled a furiously talented cast of unknowns to spin this tale of a Danish commune that pretends - to the horror of the middle class masses that surround it - to be a private institution for "retards" and "spastics".This is alternately funny, disgusting, and angering - but where the film becomes great is in its dissection of the bohemian mini-society that's perpetrating the big hoax.

Being David Hasselhoff

Don't hassle the hoff

our 1 billionth customer

"Some time in 2005, we quietly passed a dramatic milestone in Internet history: the one-billionth user went online. Because we have no central register of Internet users, we don't know who that user was, or when he or she first logged on. Statistically, we're likely talking about a 24-year-old woman in Shanghai."
Read more at http://www.useit.com/alertbox/internet_growth.html

Daxton

Did you know that Daxton is not a unique name for a unique individual? A quick Google on the name (looking for any reference to one of his band Low End's gig's) reveals the following candidates for the Daxtonion Institute of Monohandedness (also known as DIM.)

There is a couple of baby photos of this endangerred species (I assume endangered because looking at the parents you know this kid is gonna have trouble breeding)

There is the Action Daxton comic strip. Who would have thought! It appears to have been abandonned - when I try to visit the actual newspaper (?) website the pics all fail to show.

You can realise the hero within at the Daxton Wilde Foundation for kids with Cancer. I guess now that little Daxton has an institute amed after him he is dead.

There is also this very boring Daxton that is a lawyer in Arizona. He is so boring that I have said enough. Actually, upon relfection, I bet he's a real party animal in the arizona bar scene. Probably owns a large porn collection or something. I bet he even has movies by that other Daxton the amatuer porno film-maker (from San Francisco). I quote him on his film making style: "Strictly amateur. I'm not familar with much of the filmmaking process, but what I lack in knowledge I make up for in ambition. I used to film with some friends for a public access show until I moved, but now I'm back and NEED to get into the game!"

I am not sure of this porno guy is the same Dungeons and Dragons afficionado who goes by this neat email address: con_artist@angelfire.com

Lastly in my check there's the famous volleyball player. Hmm, like playing with balls... This could be our guy...?


Anyway, if you want to show our Daxton that you care buy him a necklace for Christmas from this joker. Or not.

Coming soon: A Daxton Discography

Cronulla Warning

This is a warning to all NSW residents.
For your own safety, NSW Police are advising people to stay well clear of not only Cronulla, but all of the Sutherland Shire this weekend due to...

*Casey Donovan singing an outdoor concert.*
Please pass this onto your friends and family as you can so that we can
keep as many people safe from harm as possible!

Variation of a Theme

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
6. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
7. Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
8. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you, especially strong coffee.
9. Glibido (v) All talk and no action. 10. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
11. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
12. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
13. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

speech impediments

Well, the woman that I love, she's got a hook in her nose
Her eyebrows meet, she wears second-hand clothes
She speaks with a stutter and she walks with a hop
Don't know why I love her, but I just can't stop
You know I love her, yeah I love her
I'm in love with the ugliest girl in the world

• More Songs about stuttering can be found at here

Please oh please people post stutter jokes at this post. For me - for Christmas.

We Wish You A

We Wish You A Poststructuralist Xmas

Can you guess what Christmas Carol this represents? I know, I know... nerd humour.

The semiotic coding of the other can be
reflected in the assignation of binary
opposites in the chronological nocturn,
which can be characterised as either
quiescent and voiceless, or multisonous
and stentorian, however these can be
resolved into the former only where the
nocturn exhibits the sanctified,
imperturbable, and refulgent cultural
plane wherein the desexualised m/other
and her sanctified, self-controlled child
may attain the meaning of unified,
almost sidereal, aestivation.

This is from a bunch of Christmas Carols put together by the Plain English Foundation. You can read the rest of them here.... there’s something to tickle everyone's fancy, no matter whether your profession be law, science, accounting or computer geek. Er, but sorry, no postie-related ones.

Best Tats

Send in and/or post the neatest tats you see around.

Cronulla locals

$750 a song

Would you pay $750 a song?

Our friends are musicians. Christian McBride the world famous drummer even ranted against digital music on this site a few days ago. But that was about the way people consume music - isolated, in poor quality and dubious taste.

WTF is going on when the courts are abusing us poor honest consumers of music. After all - if we are downloading music isn't that an encouragement to consume music - by buying more CDs (and if you are cool like me LPs,) going to gigs, buying musical equipment, writing about music, talking about it, encouraging your friends onto new bands, creating, etc etc.

I would think rewarding us is a better response. We, the world's music fans, procure a disproportionate amount of unsigned or little known bands' work. We promote the consumption of the next generation of stars' produce. Before an artist becomes globally huge they need to become a moderate success in their local market. Especially Australians.

Apple's I-tunes store charges what? A dollar? And they are making plenty of money.

*And*

They are part of the corporate establishment too, so they are up and online. But doesn't the explosion in electronic distribution mean that there is more music out there and available to share? So isn't Apple part of the problem that the music establishment's re fighting against? Why the double standards?

Oh yeah - I forgot: Why not?

Are they coming for me because I used to tape music from my friends when I was a kid. (I wonder if they'll subpoena me for my childhood mixed tapes? or Andrew for his pirate Kiss collection?)

"The law here is quite clear," said Jonathan Lamy, a senior vice-president for the Washington-based RIAA. "Our goal with all these anti-piracy efforts is to protect the ability of the music industry to invest in the bands of tomorrow and give legal online services a chance to flourish." Fuck you Johnny Lame-o. (nice pun, right?)

People, I have three calls to action:

1. Keep downloading and sharing new music
2. Support artists who give their music away for free
3. Resist the Australia-US free trade agreement (even though it's a done deal) because it means that many US rules become our rules.

(By the way - Daxton hates this site.)

The news

Tom Selleck controls the world.
But you already knew that.

This news story can be read two ways: Magnum PI is the head of an international crime syndicate, or that Magnum and his buddies are being attacked by the US government who want to liberate control of the Iraqi economy away from Hawaiians and back into the hands of Washington. The news is becoming more and more biased and complex in its contextualisation.

And while we are on the news of the day Paul Keating was right.

Kangaroo - Wanker!

Trust me - this is funny

Those whacky Iraqi

Read more about this very famous sign

GTA - Cronulla

rubber surprise

dong town

babar the donkey





1. donkey dick

In Middle Tennessee, this usually refers to an exceptionally large cigar, either in gauge or length or both. Usually, the use of this word is not, however, an indicator of the quality of the cigar.
I drag donkey dicks like no other.
tn, May 17, 2005

2. donkey dick
A dick that is extremly floppy and long, often has trouble getting erect and may need to use viagra. If erection lasts longer than 4 hours after taking the viarga pill, you need to seek major medical attetion
Dude, you have a "donkey dick"

3. donkey dick
1. An abnormaly large penis.2. Derogatory word - used as a adjective.
1. "Damn! That guy has a fuckin' donkey dick!!!"2. "Man that show was donkey dick"
Apr 1, 2005

4. donkey dick
Army slang for a removable, bendable metal spout used to pour gas from USGI jerry cans
"Hey Sergeant, toss me that donkey dick, willya? I gotta tap this can so I can fill up the Humvee."
Dec 26, 2003

5. donkey dick
Naval Term. - (1) The nozzle of an inline proportioner in a firefighting hose line for AFFF. (2) The inflated tube that holds up the center of the roof of a lifeboat. (3) The protruding sensor boom of the MAD gear aboard the P-2 Neptune and P-3 Orion. Note: this term is also used for literally dozens of other objects in the naval service.
Hand me that donkey dick over there!
Mar 30, 2005

6. donkey dick
someone who is the penis of a donkey.
yo, you are such a donkey dick.
Mar 27, 2005

7. Donkey Dick
A 16 oz. or 22 oz. beer can--referred to as this because it resembles the large cock of a donkey.
I love the feeling of having a huge donkey dick in my hand.
Sep 21, 2003

8. donkey dick
those humongous tips people put on thier Honda's exhaust to make them as loud as they can possibly be.
check out john's donkey dick. must've traded his riding lawn mower for that car.
Sep 6, 2005

9. donkey dick
To goof off, procrastinate, stall, or waste time.
Quit donkey dicking around.If you hadn't been donkey dicking around, you would've been done in fifteen minutes- not an hour.
OH USA, Aug 3, 2005

10. donkey dick
smirnoff or mikes hard lemonade in the 24oz. bottles
damn girl what are you drinking, a donkey dick
Feb 26, 2005

11. Donkey Dick
Really big piece of weed
Yo JJ, break up that 4 oz donkey dick so weez can smokes sum.
Jun 29, 2004

12. Donkey Dick
In Hillbilly terms this also means baloney. Especially the baloney that comes in the long rolls.
Woman fix me a Donkey Dick Sandwich!
Oct 30, 2003

13. donkey dick
What Barb Desessa and Jean Stippoli and any other bitch teacher at St. Angela's
Holy shit, Lizzie has a huge-ass donkey dick!
Apr 9, 2005

14. donkey dick
When you smoke really hard on a cigarette and the heater gets all long and the filter get's soft. The space between the heater becomes soft and wrinkly...like a donkey dick
"Hey Tracy, stop donkey dick'n that smoke and give me a drag!"
Apr 3, 2005

15. Donkey Dick
My boyfriends slong
man you got a huge huge donkey dick!
Dec 9, 2003

16. Donkey Dick
What peta and kyle like to tell each other they have when their gargling each other's balls.
Kyle: You want me to gargle your sac? Then say I have a donkey dick.Peta:Oh yeah. I'm a fag and you havea big ass donkey dick!
Mar 17, 2003

17. donkey dick
the oversized dick of a donkey
wow look at that extremely large donky dick hanging from the donky
May 22, 2005

18. donkey dick
What Barb Desessa and Jean Strippoli and any other bitch teacher that teaches at St. Angelas has.
Holy Fuck, Susan has a donkey dick down to her damn ankles!
Apr 12, 2005

bong town

everthing is much happier in BONGTOWN

Santa

Santa gets in trouble with the law

FUN da MENTAL

Bible oddities stolen from BFL…I will have to check some of these…

"And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother: 'Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. (Genesis 27:11)"

"I wish those who unsettle you would castrate themselves! (Galatians 5:12)"

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity. (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)"

"Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. (Ezekiel 23:19-21)"

"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. (Deuteronomy 23:1)"

"If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. (Deuteronomy 13:6-10)"

"His breasts are full of milk, and his bones are moistened with marrow. (Job 21:24)"

"Wherefore my bowels shall sound like an harp for Moab, and mine inward parts for Kir-haresh. (Isaiah 16:11)"

"And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir. (Genesis 15:4)"

"Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, 'Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father.' That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. The next day the older daughter said to the younger, 'Last night I lay with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.' So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. (Genesis 19:30-35)"

"They said to the old man, the master of the house, 'Bring out the man who came into your house, so that we may have intercourse with him.' And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, "No, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Since this man is my guest, do not do this vile thing. Here are my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out now. Ravish them and do whatever you want to them; but against this man do not do such a vile thing.' So the man seized his concubine, and put her out to them. They wantonly raped her, and abused her all through the night until the morning. And as the dawn began to break, they let her go. As morning appeared, the woman came and fell down at the door of the man's house where her master was, until it was light. In the morning her master got up, openned the doors of the house, and when he went out to go on his way, there was his concubine lying at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 'Get up,' he said to her, 'we are going.' But there was no answer. When he had entered his house, he took a knife, and grasping his concubine he cut her into twelve pieces, limb by limb, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel. (19:22-29)"

"Then a certain woman pitched an upper millstone upon A·bim´e·lech’s head and broke his skull in pieces. So he quickly called the attendant bearing his weapons and said to him: 'Draw your sword and put me to death, for fear they should say about me, 'It was a woman that killed him.'' Immediately his attendant ran him through, so that he died. (Judges 9:53-54)"

"Then E´hud thrust in his left hand and took the sword off his right thigh and plunged it into his belly. And the handle kept going in also after the blade so that the fat closed in over the blade, for he did not draw the sword out of his belly, and the fecal matter began to come out. (Judges 3:21-22)"

"Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces. (Malachi 2:3)"

"These you may eat, whatever is in the water: all that have fins and scales, those in the water, in the seas or in the rivers, you may eat. But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you, and they shall be abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh, and their carcasses you shall detest. Whatever in the water does not have fins and scales is abhorrent to you. (Leviticus 11:9-12)"

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful ones. (Psalms 116:15)"

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. (2 Kings 2:23-24)"

"And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. (Leveticus 26:29)"

"Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? (2 Kings 18:27)"

Anna would

In a perhaps rather feeble attempt to lift the mediocrity of this blog, I'm posting the (rather long) text of a recent letter-to-the-editor (Drum Media) from GrandmasterMellyMel's former partner in strife, Christian "still angry after all these years" McBride.


Myself, I blame Anna Wood.....

Dear Ed,

Whichever way the Aria chart is ‘counted’ and ‘compiled’, it is clear to the suits of the local industry as well as the punters that; as experts (on the payroll of Apple or Telstra etc) have told us for years, downloading is the most important means of transferring music, and the medium of playback, the i-whatever, is the most important thing to happen since Cliff Richard’s roller skates were wired for sound.

I openly admit that I own an ipod and that much of my life is determined by the question; “Is this activity ipod friendly?”. From going to the toilet, to catching the 438 to Leichhardt, one must at all times possible be locked into what is an unfathomable amount of choice and access to information. However, what I am arguing here is that the whole phenomenon is flawed and the process is detrimental to music in itself.

Firstly and quite simply, the sound is crap. It is harsh and rough when you don’t need it to be. Ever since we left vinyl as the method of playback, music has become less pleasant to the ear, less real. Sonically, the analogue signal that is cut to vinyl is a clearer, almost photo representation of the curved sound wave that exists in the real world, the sine wave. The digital signal of Compact Disks and MP3 files can only capture sound waves in square steps up and down the sound wave. In the digital age, the frequency range of music may have vastly increased (eg ‘mega bass’) but we have made great sacrifices in quality of tone. As we head into to cold-hearted future of the digital age, I would argue that we are in grave danger of producing recorded music that is mixed for ‘ring tone’ before it is mixed to be heard when the listener sits in a room, or as one would watch an actual musical performance. This makes me ill.

Beyond many of these MP3 players’ basic shortcomings, I believe there are broader social issues that come from a tiny little hard drive that is geared towards being a cancerous ‘best of’ compilation of music that you may or may not have paid for. Initial indications of the shuffle function suggest a move away from the importance of a full length ‘Album’ of songs. As artists, we run the risk of handing over creative control to marketers and business strategists in the race to sell single song downloads. Sadly, I would argue this is the case for a couple of my favourite bands who have recently released albums that have a couple of singles and just another 35 or so minutes of filler...

In the marketing of the i-lifestyle, there is a strong focus on individual choice that ties in well with fashion and other branding. The major record labels’ attempt to own this cool scene will lead to the further promotion of trendy music with no substance and a very short life span. In the past few years this stuff has been shoved down our throats via summer festivals desperate to sell ‘interesting and innovative’ (haven’t we seen most of this stuff before?) lineups, with corporate sponsorship. Personally, I believe the individualist nature of wearing tiny headphones all day means one is literally shutting oneself off from new music not on the player, or even conversation with others on the street that might inspire original ideas or new music (or this may also be why I am single). Furthermore, I don’t trust commercial radio or the ABC (ratings equals funding) at all to inspire me with new music. Beyond FBI and 2SER, I go to gigs and rely on friends to let me know what’s happening.

Despite my issues with the various banks and record companies of the world, I would agree with them that by far the biggest challenge to music being the centre of the cultural landscape has been the evolution of new media and entertainment. We will never see another Beatles phenomenon because there are too many other competing products like blockbuster movies and games. It’s not the end of the world, I don’t have to be one of hundreds or maybe even thousands of subscribers to Pay TV and I don’t care that Jet are boring and derivative, but famous. My version of history is as follows: I actually blame Kurt Cobain for heroin becoming trendy in Newtown causing every second disaffected white boy to half-learn how to play guitar (badly), and torturing me with shitty, 90s power pop and then big time corporate rock. That’s why live music died; because people couldn’t play their instrument. This remains a problem, but now its post 911 angst where cool ambivalent rockers are considered good if they jump around in tiny suits and trash the stage. Whatever.

Culturally, all these things would probably occur anyway in the cycle of life and music, but what I do regret in the digital age is the break down in quality of content and form, and the mass marketing of bands that peddle generally crap, predictable, and safe music that passes pretty quickly, all because record companies can’t make enough money producing music that takes risks. From the dada inspired Kiosk, to the momentarily genius and always searching ‘What is Music’ people or any Jazzers that can laugh at themselves, there is always someone in ye old Sydney taking a chance, you just have to do a broader internet search in whatever rocks your boat to realise that they probably live next door and are hopefully gigging somewhere soon.

One would hope that the state of the recording industry (or something) might lead to live music growth because people are pushed outside to see anything new. This is another ongoing problem we need to keep foremost in our minds before local residents shut down our favourite gigs for good and when I get banned from most bars in the inner west anyway...

Yours,
Christian McBride.

* * * * *

You can find out more on the Christian McBride show by researching any of the following:

THE GARRY GLITTEROUS GANG BANG GANG @ The Kings Cross Festival Sat 10th December 8.30pm
Featuring Christa Hughes on 70s schlock and ‘The Christian McBride show’ as 2nd drummer and backing vocals. Playing over-the-top-rock from Spinal Tap to T-Rex and of course the lover of kids, Garry Glitter himself. Will be attempting to relive the sound of 2 drummers (including MGF’s Brian Ferry Sexual) vs. the enigmatic Love Shark + even more very special guests...DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW because many of the members probably won’t remember it anyway...

---------------

THE MONSTARS EP, “Retail Therapy” is Number 10 on the Indy Charts!

http://www.themonstars.com

------------------

NICK STEWART (Gtr George) has joined ‘Matthew’. After losing a guitarist to the ‘live in London’ cliché and a Bass Player to Canberra, Matt Ford (AKA Pinky Beecroft) and Christian are now joined by Nick Stewart and Irish import Ken Folan. December will see Matthew recording stuff at Gigpig HQ in Sydney.

Single/Touring Jan-Feb 06. No superlatives required to talk this up.

http://www.matthew.com.au


PS, if you've forgotten who Anna Wood was, or never knew, she was the 15 year old Sydney schoolgirl who died at The Phoenician Club after taking ecstacy and drowning internally after drinking too much water whilst high, which subsequently meant the closure of one of Sydney's best live music venues.

Christmas gift idea

Is the thought of Christmas shopping giving you trouble? Can't decide what to get your cousin/uncle/housemate? Don't want another crap present from your mum that you have to wear on boxing day and then give away to your little brother?

Suggest this to your friends and family for a gift to yourself and save yourself Christmas grief

disco is alive and kicking

There is a better way to spend your Saturday night that at Club Troppo ogling reality TV and soap stars and it is

Brazilian
Funk
Balls

And no you don’t need to like funk music.

There's a yooof scene in the Brazillian slums where they go to large Saturday (Friday, Thursday, whatever) nightclubs. The clubs are divided into two by a no man's land patrolled by bouncers in the middle. Occaisionally an insane individual from one side forways into the other and gets the shit beaten out of them until a team comes to pull them out. Eventually the DJ amps up the music and calls out some local version of "Let's Rumble!" and the venue goes apeshit with an all-in brawl.

Tell me the Cleveland Hotel compares to this. I dare you.

Below are some quotes and magazine articles. Check it out.
-------

These children from the slums, ignored by society and living without hope, articulate their rage in the only way they know: with a fight for life.

"You've got to understand," Andre bursts out suddenly, "that certain things are important to funkers. First you've got to fight without fear because it's the only way to win respect. I was scared at the beginning but after that first punch in the face I lost my fear.


Even though there were deaths, some academics claimed this was a positive form of ritualised combat and compared it to the Brazilian martial art, capoeira.

Listen to the music
Audio: listen to Follow Me Follow Me (Real Player)

A minor problem

Hey
I am having a few problems working out how to migrate this site from blogger to www.wrongtown.net but rest assured we'll get there.

in the meantime if www.wrongtown.net ainto working check out www.wrongtown.blogspot.com

What's going on downstairs?

"A di policeman have to tell him seh is mi hair. Him congratulate mi an' tell mi seh mi have talent," he said smiling.

DARAIN HOUSEN HAS not taken off his hat for the last 20 years. He bathes, he sleeps and does everything possible in it. It is a perfect fit.