Tequila Cake Recipe

This is meant to be a kind of Christmas, but I forgot to post it in December.

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Method:
Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point its best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or some-frigging-thing. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.