I am better than your kids

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with an extremely sad person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. As a matter of fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of stupid children, I've taken the liberty of judging artwork done by other kids, and placed on the Internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece.

Megan, age 4

First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. Why is it wearing lipstick? Grade: F

Kyle, age 8

You spelt America wrong, asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere. Clearly you are a traitor and should be electrocuted. Grade: F

Lisa, age 6

Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colours. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. Why is the rabbit thing screaming? Is that a spider, the sun or a piece of red shit? Grade: F

Cameron, age 4

Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck is that! Grade: F

Bryce, age 10

This one wouldn't be too bad if it didn’t look so shit!!!!!! Grade: F

Jon, age 8

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit Grade: F

Rachel, age 7

That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. Grade: F

Jason, age 6

This one would receive an ‘A’ if the assignment were to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this. Grade: F

Seth, age 4

Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! Shit. Grade: F

Kelly, age 9

This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their stuff outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten seconds to find a napkin and some markers then draw this crap on it? Grade: F