BONDI BARBIE
Bondi Barbie comes with oversized sunglasses, vintage designer dress and Chloe handbag. This party-girl Barbie is packaged with an arts degree, bar job and a fear of anything 'west'. Barbie's latest Nokia phone can be attached to ear for use while op-shopping, 'doing' lunch, or jogging along the coastal path. Optional accessories include your choice of eating disorder, recreational drug habit, and Tsubi Ken.
Available at Bondi Markets, Tuchuzy and Hugo's (guest list only).
DOUBLE BAY BARBIE
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master's degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mum with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac Prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and Traffic-jamming Blackberry Internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late."
Available at all Eastern Suburbs Starbucks retailers.
NORTHSHORE BARBIE
This Barbie is only sold at David Jones. She comes with an assortment of Gucci handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Range Rover and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
BANKSTOWN BARBIE
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash (preferably small bills) unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail.
Available at participating pawn shops.
BLACKTOWN BARBIE
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Bankstown Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment.
Available at any Big W Store.
CRONULLA BARBIE
This tan model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans two sizes too small, a "100% Aussie" T- shirt and the southern cross tattooed on her shoulder. She has a six pack of VB and comes with Jimmy Barnes CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's dream fibro house.
Available at K-Mart.
CENTRAL COAST BARBIE
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi and a Centrelink cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional.
Available at Target.
BYRON BAY BARBIE
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, Archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional combi van, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.
Available all over Byron Bay and Nimbin.
SURRY HILLS BARBIE
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at The Columbian on Oxford Street. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
does Central Coast Barbie also fuck on the front lawn and quote KISS lyrics when she gets upped for rootin in public (parental) view ?
Having researched the matter quite thoroughly, my learned response would be 'the hard times are dead and gone, but the hard times have made me strong'.
CC Ken obviously listened to and memorised the words to LOVE GUN first....
Post a Comment