Friday 30 March 2007
Thursday 29 March 2007
Monday 26 March 2007
Sunday 25 March 2007
Brown Cigar
Three useful websites
- Find anagrams of your own name
- How many people share your name?
- What does your phone number really say
Saturday 24 March 2007
Friday 23 March 2007
Wednesday 21 March 2007
Tuesday 20 March 2007
Giddy-up!
I wanna be a cowboy
And you can be my cowgirl...
...Yep... now we seen it all.
The oman is rnning for Mayor of Wrongtown next year. Watch out citizens.
I am better than your kids
If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with an extremely sad person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. As a matter of fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of stupid children, I've taken the liberty of judging artwork done by other kids, and placed on the Internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece. |
|
|
Kyle, age 8 |
|
|
|
Cameron, age 4 |
|
Bryce, age 10 |
|
Jon, age 8 |
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit
|
Rachel, age 7 |
|
Jason, age 6 |
|
|
|
Kelly, age 9 |
|
I am better than your kids
If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with an extremely sad person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. As a matter of fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of stupid children, I've taken the liberty of judging artwork done by other kids, and placed on the Internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece.
Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is.
If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen.
Why is it wearing lipstick?
Grade: F
Kyle, age 8
You spelt America wrong, asshole.
Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere.
Clearly you are a traitor and should be electrocuted.
Grade: F
Lisa, age 6
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colours. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. Why is the rabbit thing screaming? Is that a spider, the sun or a piece of red shit?
Grade: F
Cameron, age 4
Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!
What the fuck is that!
Grade: F
Bryce, age 10
This one wouldn't be too bad if it didn’t look so shit!!!!!!
Grade: F
Jon, age 8
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved.
I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit.
Grade: F
Rachel, age 7
That's interesting: everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler.
Grade: F
Jason, age 6
This one would receive an ‘A’ if the assignment were to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can.
I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this.
Grade: F
Seth, age 4
Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm!
Shit.
Grade: F
Kelly, age 9
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents.
Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home.
If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their stuff outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously.
You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree.
I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten seconds to find a napkin and some markers then draw this crap on it?
Grade: F
Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is.
If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen.
Why is it wearing lipstick?
Grade: F
Kyle, age 8
You spelt America wrong, asshole.Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere.
Clearly you are a traitor and should be electrocuted.
Grade: F
Lisa, age 6
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colours. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit. Why is the rabbit thing screaming? Is that a spider, the sun or a piece of red shit?Grade: F
Cameron, age 4
Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!
What the fuck is that!
Grade: F
Bryce, age 10
This one wouldn't be too bad if it didn’t look so shit!!!!!!Grade: F
Jon, age 8
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved.I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit.
Grade: F
Rachel, age 7
That's interesting: everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler.
Grade: F
Jason, age 6
This one would receive an ‘A’ if the assignment were to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can.I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this.
Grade: F
Seth, age 4
Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm!Shit.
Grade: F
Kelly, age 9
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents.Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home.
If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their stuff outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously.
You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree.
I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten seconds to find a napkin and some markers then draw this crap on it?
Grade: F
Monday 19 March 2007
Chaser guns for Speedo budget smugglers
The NSW Election is on this weekend, and I for one am excited. No guesses what I'll be doing Saturday night (sitting in front of tv watching live results - Channel 2, from 6pm onwards).
Opposition Leader Peter Debnam got a double whammy on the campaign trail today - not just Speedos, but The Chaser too.
Mr Debnam arrived at Drummoyne Police Station in Sydney's inner-west for an infrastructure policy announcement to be confronted by a half-naked Craig Ruecassel from ABC TV's The Chaser.
Obviously making fun of Mr Debnam's repeated appearances in his swimwear throughout the campaign, Ruecassel, wearing a pair of red speedos and a white baseball cap, was quickly cut off by two bodyguards.
When the cameras remained focused on him rather than Mr Debnam, Ruecassel said, "Sorry, I'm not Peter Debnam, he's over there".
"Just because I'm wearing this doesn't mean I'm Peter Debnam," he said.
To read the rest of the story, go to SMH.
Source : story and image from Sydney Morning Herald website
You should also definitely check out The Chaser website, because they are dang funny.
Opposition Leader Peter Debnam got a double whammy on the campaign trail today - not just Speedos, but The Chaser too.Mr Debnam arrived at Drummoyne Police Station in Sydney's inner-west for an infrastructure policy announcement to be confronted by a half-naked Craig Ruecassel from ABC TV's The Chaser.
Obviously making fun of Mr Debnam's repeated appearances in his swimwear throughout the campaign, Ruecassel, wearing a pair of red speedos and a white baseball cap, was quickly cut off by two bodyguards.
When the cameras remained focused on him rather than Mr Debnam, Ruecassel said, "Sorry, I'm not Peter Debnam, he's over there".
"Just because I'm wearing this doesn't mean I'm Peter Debnam," he said.
To read the rest of the story, go to SMH.
Source : story and image from Sydney Morning Herald website
You should also definitely check out The Chaser website, because they are dang funny.
A Simple Guide to Marketing
The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. Many people often ask for a simple explanation of the term, 'Marketing'. Well, here it is.
1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You walk over to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to the guy and, while pointing at you, says, "That's my friend and she's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
3. You see a handsome guy at a party; you walk up to him and introduce yourself; you get his telephone number; you call him the next day and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
4. You see a good looking guy at a party; you straighten your dress, walk over to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?", as you reach up to straighten his tie; brush your body lightly against his arm and say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks over to you and says, "I hear you are fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
6. You're at a party and see a good looking guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
7. Your friend can't satisfy him, so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
8. You're on your way to a party when you realise there could be handsome men in all the houses that you're passing. You climb onto the roof of one of the houses and shout at the top of your voice, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Junk Mail.
1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You walk over to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to the guy and, while pointing at you, says, "That's my friend and she's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
3. You see a handsome guy at a party; you walk up to him and introduce yourself; you get his telephone number; you call him the next day and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
4. You see a good looking guy at a party; you straighten your dress, walk over to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?", as you reach up to straighten his tie; brush your body lightly against his arm and say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks over to you and says, "I hear you are fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
6. You're at a party and see a good looking guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.
7. Your friend can't satisfy him, so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.
8. You're on your way to a party when you realise there could be handsome men in all the houses that you're passing. You climb onto the roof of one of the houses and shout at the top of your voice, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Junk Mail.
Sunday 18 March 2007
Are you lonesome tonight?
FAT ELVIS LIVES!!
(no, not this dude - he's just weird)
But what I was searching for when I stumbled across this dude was that sick muthafucken Elvis impersonator from LA (I think), circa late 90s (ditto) who used to get naked then piss and defecate on his all-chick band members, and I think even at one show let loose a bunch of chickens, which resulted in an all-out frenzied orgy of chicken gizzards, feathers and audience members.
What I also found was a website called 'Fat Elvis'.
"I channel Elvis. He speaks through me from wherever he is. Most people don't know it, but every song by Elvis, when played backwards, reveals secret business advice. While this also true for Metallica, they give bad business advice. Their most recent client is Microsoft."
You gotta check this guy out - he's a goddamn hoot. He even has his own theorem:
Success at Work equals Brains plus Character divided by Assholes. Yes sir, makes sense to me.
It may well be the case that just dreamt about the fat/bad/evil Elvis fella. Does anyone recall something along the lines of this??
Don't ask me why I want to know...
Are you lonesome tonight?
FAT ELVIS LIVES!!
(no, not this dude - he's just weird)
But what I was searching for when I stumbled across this dude was that sick muthafucken Elvis impersonator from LA (I think), circa late 90s (ditto) who used to get naked then piss and defecate on his all-chick band members, and I think even at one show let loose a bunch of chickens, which resulted in an all-out frenzied orgy of chicken gizzards, feathers and audience members.
What I also found was a website called 'Fat Elvis'.
"I channel Elvis. He speaks through me from wherever he is. Most people don't know it, but every song by Elvis, when played backwards, reveals secret business advice. While this also true for Metallica, they give bad business advice. Their most recent client is Microsoft."
You gotta check this guy out - he's a goddamn hoot. He even has his own theorem:
Success at Work equals Brains plus Character divided by Assholes. Yes sir, makes sense to me.
It may well be the case that just dreamt about the fat/bad/evil Elvis fella. Does anyone recall something along the lines of this??
Don't ask me why I want to know...
Saturday 17 March 2007
Electric Apricot
A film by Les Claypool.
"In the Spring of 2005, a graduate filmmaker from UCLA set forth to make a documentary reflecting an element of contemporary music culture that had yet to be fully examined. The notion was to capture something raw and original. He searched for something unpretentious and genuine, yearning to make a film that would stand out from other music documentaries and potentially redefine the genre. Who he found was the band Electric Apricot, and what he achieved is enlightenment. Unexpectedly, while searching for enlightenment the duality of existence was unveiled.
Electric Apricot is a spoof of jam bands centered around the band, Electric Apricot, in the style of "This Is Spinal Tap". The members of the band go by the assumed names, Steve Hampton Trouzdale on bass and vocals, Steve "Gordo" Gordon on guitar and vocals, Herschal Tambor Brillstien on keyboards and vocals, and Lapland "Lapdog" Miclovik on drums and vocals. The film includes appearances by: Bob Weir (Grateful Dead), Mike Gordon (Phish), Seth Green (Austin Powers), Matt Stone (South Park), Dian Bachar (Orgazmo), Sam Macarrone (Tv:The Movie), Gabby LaLa, Arj Barker (As the Cube) and much more! Hey, are you going to Burning Man?"
Andrew, you should totally learn to do the cube to add to your dancing repertoire.
www.electricapricot.com
Friday 16 March 2007
suck. swallow
If you had the flexibility to suck your own cock, would you spit or swallow? And would you desire to have your cock sucked outway you reluctance to suck cock.
These questions keep me up at night (in a good way).
The upside is, you could always give your own self MONKEYFACE! Awesome.
yes, have some
These questions keep me up at night (in a good way).
The upside is, you could always give your own self MONKEYFACE! Awesome.
yes, have some
My idea involves midgets and porn
For further info, see http://www.6devil.com/xxxmidgets - and check out the ET look-a-like. Nice tan line.
That's Not Gold, That's Dung!
There's a new Neil Hamburger video and cd out, shot in Sydney.
Dear Easily Annoyed,
This message is to inform you of another CD for sale, a souvenir CD by America's Youngest Comedian NEIL HAMBURGER, a disc so marginal that it will not be for sale in any store: it will only be made available at my shows and/or via this electronic solicitation.
The CD is entitled "Hot February Night" and orders are now being accepted for this unusual release, which documents Neil Hamburger's struggles as the opener on a recent tour with Tenacious D. Suffice it to say that this CD could easily serve as an audio "encylopedia of obscenities", such is the high frequency of their use on this ADULTS ONLY release!
The price of this strictly limited edition souvenir release is $10.00 + $2.00 shipping, for a grand total of $12.00 to ANY ADDRESS WORLDWIDE. Copies of "Hot February Night" were originally made available at certain locations of the discount chain store Off-Price Value Center, but unfortunately that promotion was quietly discontinued after complaints from the public.
To commemorate the 300th anniversary of the United Nations, we will ship this CD to ANY NATION ON EARTH (U.N. member or not), from the United States onward for the same shipping price of only $2.00. Whoever you are, wherever you are, your grand total is $12.00.
You may pay by PayPal to management@americasfunnyman.com, or via Check or Money Order to an address that we will supply upon request.
If you are in Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Tasmania, New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Victoria, Arizona, or the District of Columbia...we will be in your area soon, and you can buy this item in person!
Thank you for your concern and acceptance of these unwanted solicitations,
Neil Hamburger
Source - www.myspace.com/americasfunnyman
Said one reviewer, "Buy this disc if you want to laugh so hard that your lower intestine rips loose and you crash through the glass table onto your face and lie amongst the cracker crumbs on the rug ... drooling."
How could you resist?
For your viewing pleasure, Neil will be touring Australia soon.
Fri Apr 6 - GEELONG, VIC, AUSTRALIA - Barwon Club*
Sat Apr 7 - HOBART, TASMANIA, AUSTRALIA - The Venue*
Sun Apr 8 - MELBOURNE, VIC, AUSTRALIA - Northcote Social Club**
Fri Apr 13 - CANBERRA, ACT, AUSTRALIA - The Basement*
Sat Apr 14 - SYDNEY, NSW, AUSTRALIA - Mandarin Club**
Dear Easily Annoyed,
This message is to inform you of another CD for sale, a souvenir CD by America's Youngest Comedian NEIL HAMBURGER, a disc so marginal that it will not be for sale in any store: it will only be made available at my shows and/or via this electronic solicitation.
The CD is entitled "Hot February Night" and orders are now being accepted for this unusual release, which documents Neil Hamburger's struggles as the opener on a recent tour with Tenacious D. Suffice it to say that this CD could easily serve as an audio "encylopedia of obscenities", such is the high frequency of their use on this ADULTS ONLY release!
The price of this strictly limited edition souvenir release is $10.00 + $2.00 shipping, for a grand total of $12.00 to ANY ADDRESS WORLDWIDE. Copies of "Hot February Night" were originally made available at certain locations of the discount chain store Off-Price Value Center, but unfortunately that promotion was quietly discontinued after complaints from the public.
To commemorate the 300th anniversary of the United Nations, we will ship this CD to ANY NATION ON EARTH (U.N. member or not), from the United States onward for the same shipping price of only $2.00. Whoever you are, wherever you are, your grand total is $12.00.
You may pay by PayPal to management@americasfunnyman.com, or via Check or Money Order to an address that we will supply upon request.
If you are in Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Tasmania, New South Wales, Australian Capital Territory, Victoria, Arizona, or the District of Columbia...we will be in your area soon, and you can buy this item in person!
Thank you for your concern and acceptance of these unwanted solicitations,
Neil Hamburger
Source - www.myspace.com/americasfunnyman
Said one reviewer, "Buy this disc if you want to laugh so hard that your lower intestine rips loose and you crash through the glass table onto your face and lie amongst the cracker crumbs on the rug ... drooling."
How could you resist?
For your viewing pleasure, Neil will be touring Australia soon.
Fri Apr 6 - GEELONG, VIC, AUSTRALIA - Barwon Club*
Sat Apr 7 - HOBART, TASMANIA, AUSTRALIA - The Venue*
Sun Apr 8 - MELBOURNE, VIC, AUSTRALIA - Northcote Social Club**
Fri Apr 13 - CANBERRA, ACT, AUSTRALIA - The Basement*
Sat Apr 14 - SYDNEY, NSW, AUSTRALIA - Mandarin Club**
Wednesday 14 March 2007
Qantas wins service excellence award
British movie star Ralph Fiennes is at the centre of a mile-high sex scandal after he allegedly became amorous with an Australian flight attendant during a long-haul flight, a report said Sunday.
A 38-year-old Qantas stewardess has been suspended and could lose her job after fellow crew members allegedly spotted her and Fiennes leaving the same aircraft toilet cubicle moments apart, The Sunday Telegraph said.
In a statement lodged with her employer and obtained by the paper, Lisa Robertson said the actor had become "amorous" with her after the pair chatted together during a flight from Australia to India late last month.
Tuesday 13 March 2007
Sydney Barbie Dolls: The perfect gift for the person who has everything
BONDI BARBIE
Bondi Barbie comes with oversized sunglasses, vintage designer dress and Chloe handbag. This party-girl Barbie is packaged with an arts degree, bar job and a fear of anything 'west'. Barbie's latest Nokia phone can be attached to ear for use while op-shopping, 'doing' lunch, or jogging along the coastal path. Optional accessories include your choice of eating disorder, recreational drug habit, and Tsubi Ken.
Available at Bondi Markets, Tuchuzy and Hugo's (guest list only).
DOUBLE BAY BARBIE
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master's degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mum with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac Prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and Traffic-jamming Blackberry Internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late."
Available at all Eastern Suburbs Starbucks retailers.
NORTHSHORE BARBIE
This Barbie is only sold at David Jones. She comes with an assortment of Gucci handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Range Rover and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
BANKSTOWN BARBIE
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash (preferably small bills) unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail.
Available at participating pawn shops.
BLACKTOWN BARBIE
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Bankstown Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment.
Available at any Big W Store.
CRONULLA BARBIE
This tan model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans two sizes too small, a "100% Aussie" T- shirt and the southern cross tattooed on her shoulder. She has a six pack of VB and comes with Jimmy Barnes CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's dream fibro house.
Available at K-Mart.
CENTRAL COAST BARBIE
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi and a Centrelink cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional.
Available at Target.
BYRON BAY BARBIE
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, Archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional combi van, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.
Available all over Byron Bay and Nimbin.
SURRY HILLS BARBIE
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at The Columbian on Oxford Street. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit.
Bondi Barbie comes with oversized sunglasses, vintage designer dress and Chloe handbag. This party-girl Barbie is packaged with an arts degree, bar job and a fear of anything 'west'. Barbie's latest Nokia phone can be attached to ear for use while op-shopping, 'doing' lunch, or jogging along the coastal path. Optional accessories include your choice of eating disorder, recreational drug habit, and Tsubi Ken.
Available at Bondi Markets, Tuchuzy and Hugo's (guest list only).
DOUBLE BAY BARBIE
This modern day princess homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master's degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mum with Ken's generous salary. Comes with a Prozac Prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and Traffic-jamming Blackberry Internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing and is often "working late."
Available at all Eastern Suburbs Starbucks retailers.
NORTHSHORE BARBIE
This Barbie is only sold at David Jones. She comes with an assortment of Gucci handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Range Rover and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation.
BANKSTOWN BARBIE
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 Holden Ute with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash (preferably small bills) unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail.
Available at participating pawn shops.
BLACKTOWN BARBIE
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Bankstown Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Holden Ute Convertible separately and get Fly Buys points absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment.
Available at any Big W Store.
CRONULLA BARBIE
This tan model comes dressed in her own Levi jeans two sizes too small, a "100% Aussie" T- shirt and the southern cross tattooed on her shoulder. She has a six pack of VB and comes with Jimmy Barnes CD's. She can spit over a distance of 2 metres and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after their last big fight. Comes with Barbie's dream fibro house.
Available at K-Mart.
CENTRAL COAST BARBIE
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi and a Centrelink cheque. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Ford pickup are optional.
Available at Target.
BYRON BAY BARBIE
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, Archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not have, want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional combi van, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker.
Available all over Byron Bay and Nimbin.
SURRY HILLS BARBIE
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work and hangs out at The Columbian on Oxford Street. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit.
Monday 12 March 2007
Choose your own tube
This is a series of 5 minute videos based on the old choose your own adventure books. It’s made by a bunch of teenagers on the Gold Coast and it’s bloody funny.
They are up to Episode 5 now. Go over to Youtube, watch and vote today.
They are up to Episode 5 now. Go over to Youtube, watch and vote today.
Video Description
This is part 1 of their sitcom where you get to decide what happens in the next episode. Voting has now closed, thank you so much for your input. Be sure to watch Episode 2.
This is part 1 of their sitcom where you get to decide what happens in the next episode. Voting has now closed, thank you so much for your input. Be sure to watch Episode 2.
Clone Question
Stolen from the Dilbert Blog:
In the news today, the FDA is poised to approve food from cloned animals. Apparently eating clones makes some people uncomfortable. Their thinking goes like this:
“I sure enjoy eating Bob the cow, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating Bob the other cow.”
Eating clones got me thinking about the intellectual property of human supermodel DNA. At some point it seems inevitable that billionaires will start cloning supermodels so they can grow their own girlfriends. Someday it will surely be legal in some country.
If you were a supermodel who had snorted away all of your money and you were now too old to model, and some billionaire offered you a hundred million dollars for your DNA, would you sell it? Assume you know in advance that the billionaire is a disgusting pig who will be raising your clone to be a brainwashed sex slave.
Assume also that your clone won’t be forced to do anything against her will. She will simply be raised to believe the billionaire is a godlike creature and the rest will happen naturally. No laws will be broken. And she will live like a princess except for the part about being a clone whore to an old, rich fat guy. In other words, the quality of her life will be in the top 10% of the planet if you consider the wretchedness the average human’s life around the world.
Would you sell your DNA for $100,000,000?
Post your answers here
In the news today, the FDA is poised to approve food from cloned animals. Apparently eating clones makes some people uncomfortable. Their thinking goes like this:
“I sure enjoy eating Bob the cow, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating Bob the other cow.”
Eating clones got me thinking about the intellectual property of human supermodel DNA. At some point it seems inevitable that billionaires will start cloning supermodels so they can grow their own girlfriends. Someday it will surely be legal in some country.
If you were a supermodel who had snorted away all of your money and you were now too old to model, and some billionaire offered you a hundred million dollars for your DNA, would you sell it? Assume you know in advance that the billionaire is a disgusting pig who will be raising your clone to be a brainwashed sex slave.
Assume also that your clone won’t be forced to do anything against her will. She will simply be raised to believe the billionaire is a godlike creature and the rest will happen naturally. No laws will be broken. And she will live like a princess except for the part about being a clone whore to an old, rich fat guy. In other words, the quality of her life will be in the top 10% of the planet if you consider the wretchedness the average human’s life around the world.
Would you sell your DNA for $100,000,000?
Post your answers here
Sunday 11 March 2007
Who put the laughter into slaughter?
Dolphins Die. This time It's not the Canadians who are doing the killing.
You can be a protester by signing this petition. Or Not.
Thursday 8 March 2007
Women of the world unite
8 March 2007: International Women's Day.
End violence against women, withdraw the troops from Iraq and promote real equality in the workplace, etc.
But leave porn alone.
End violence against women, withdraw the troops from Iraq and promote real equality in the workplace, etc.
But leave porn alone.
Tuesday 6 March 2007
Campbelltown Flood: Urgent Appeal for Help
A major flood hit the Campbelltown area on Sunday with its main disaster point being Queen Street, Campbelltown.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The flood decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Macquarie Fields Riots were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.
The Macarthur Advertiser reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Campbelltown.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17 year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason,slept through it all."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards,Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.
HOW CAN THE CITIZENS OF WRONGTOWN HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, reebok boots Any other items usually sold in Go-Lo or The Reject Shop.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:
Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.
Donations:
$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The flood decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Macquarie Fields Riots were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.
The Macarthur Advertiser reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Campbelltown.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17 year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Kevin and Jason,slept through it all."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards,Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.
HOW CAN THE CITIZENS OF WRONGTOWN HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
baseball caps, tracksuits, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, reebok boots Any other items usually sold in Go-Lo or The Reject Shop.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:
Microwave meals, Baked beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.
Donations:
$15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Sunday 4 March 2007
Saturday 3 March 2007
Thursday 1 March 2007
Economics explained via Cows
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
SURREALISM:
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
SURREALISM:
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.
NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)